A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a
woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?
promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air
balloon hovering approximately 30
feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and
between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything
you told me is, technically Correct,
but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still
lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know
where you are or where you are going.
You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a
promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath
you to solve your problems.
The fact is you are in exactly the same position
you were in before we met, but
now, somehow, it's my fault."
1) Responsibility must be equal to authority. Your not effective if your
boss is an idiot, and your always putting out fires you didn't start, or
don't have the water to put out.
2) Lead from the front. You cannot manage people if you cannot do all
jobs well enough to provide examples.
3) Accountability. If you are in charge, everything is your fault. Full
stop. End of sentence.
4) Management has one definition. Getting things done through people.
either have it, or you don't. If you don't you won't learn it from a book.
5) Building successful teams is dynamic. You are never done, it is a
constant work in progress. Plan, execute, evalute.
6) 7 P's. Proper Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.
Thats it. That is all there is to management. Make your check for $14,880
Up and Running CNC Consulting, Huntington Beach, Calif. Every customer gets
one complimentery coupon for a cup of coffee and a donut. Hurry before
everyone else finds out the secrets to management.
(Bill's Web site)
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily
retired. Several years later his company contacted him regarding a seemingly
impossible problem they were having. One of their multi-million dollar
machines wasn't working and no one knew how to fix it. The engineer
reluctantly took the challenge.
He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day he marked
small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly
stated, "Replace this part and the machine will work." The part was replaced
and the machine worked perfectly once again. The company received a bill for
$50,000 from the engineer.
They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded:
One chalk mark ........ ..... ..... ....$1
Knowing where to put it ... $49,999
The bill was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.